I am Dan Bain

Dan Bain is a comedian, director, actor, writer and general know it all. This is his blog of things.
1 year ago
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Excerpt from an upcoming production

  • Scene 8: Maria's bedroom.
  • (Maria, Martin)
  • SOUND: bedsprings.
  • MARTIN: The costume looks really great on you Maria.
  • MARIA (as batman): I'm not Maria. I'm Batman. Take off your pants.
  • MARTIN: Haha. That's really cute.
  • MARIA (AS BATMAN): Who hired Joe Cool? Who!
  • MARTIN: What's that?
  • MARIA (AS BATMAN): You know I'm real tired of people like you making my town filthy.
  • SOUND: Maria PunchES martin in the face.
  • MARTIN: Aaargh! Oh holy s---. Aaah! My nose! Oh F---! It's bleeding. Owwww, Maria!
  • MARIA (AS BATMAN): I said, I'm not Maria, I'm Batman. I also said, take off your pants.
1 year ago
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2012 - Blog resumes

I heard that the end of the world will be rolling around again this year. Much like it did last year with the Rapture happening and all that.

I probably picked a bad time to start a load of long term projects.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my house putting words in specific orders. Writing a book for adults to read is much more difficult than writing a play for children. It requires many more words. I got to 10 000 words yesterday I think. This is the most I ever wrote about anything. It’s still pretty shit but until it exists I can’t really start making it good. I’ve never been adverse to turd polishing.

It’s a booky thing to expand the world of the also currently in development 2 hander steampunk cabaret show. Merch sales!

I have half a radio play about cannibals written. Every time I open it, I read it and then close it again without doing anything. Stupid cannibals. Why can’t my protagonist defeat you?

I have somewhere between two and four directing contracts lined up. I think I said sometime that I would build all the props for one of them. Why did I do this?

Y&H will produce my play GAMEPLAN in Wellington mid-year.

Radio NZ will be broadcasting my radio plays DRONES and FORBIDDEN BIRDS EMBARRASSED BEES in the near future.

I will do two motivational speaking tours.

So, on paper I seem extraordinarily busy and successful.

SO WHY AM I BROKE? I EVEN STOPPED DRINKING! WHERE IS ALL MY MONEYS! STOP SENDING ME BILLS! I LOST MY PHONE AGAIN! ACK! RETCH! ACk!

(I am 64% complete on Batman: Arkham City. The hell with work. I’m Batman.)